Letter to Solas
by NinjaStripes
Summary: There was this thing that Bioware posted about letters day so that got me thinking about writing a letter to Solas about the impact he had on my Lavellan.


Solas, ma vhenan,

In my dreams, I leave this message in hopes that you will know the words of my heart and the lessons from that I hold dear.

When the Breach threatened to tear the world asunder; when the key to the waking dream vowed to steal my life, you calmed its rage and gave me the gift of a future. This gift, so pure and full of hope, the ultimate freedom, I believed to be the just right of every living being, man, woman, and child, elves, dwarves, humans, spirits, and Qunari, mage and templar, and every Chantry brother, father, sister, mother, cleric, and Divine, black or no.

Though you have no memory of this, of when I was thrust into the vortex of time, when the angry red stone killed you from within, you sacrificed yourself for a world you would never see. With that sacrifice, you taught me to think beyond myself, for people I may never meet, for a future I may not live to see, for the generations who will come after me.

When you showed me your world, you showed me how vast and beautiful the world truly is despite its downfalls and its flaws. For every mistake was a lesson to be learned, every lesson a blessing, and every blessing a hope that the world will be better. I learned the strength of your hands, the feeling of your lips pressed against mine, and how to show such a passion that words can nary illustrate.

When we danced in the lion's golden halls, you taught me to see those who were invisible and those who have been forgotten, for those who do not speak have plenty to say, and you showed me that the thrill of conflict could go beyond the pull of my bowstring and that words could cut more deeply than any dagger.

That night you showed me how to dance and I saw the moonlight dance in your eyes.

When we fell into the Nightmare's shadow, you taught me how to be brave and to be confident in my abilities. I learned from you how to face the unknown and to learn from my darkest fears.

When we wandered into the ancient depths of elven history, you taught me to respect those who came before, for they formed the foundation of what I have become and are the reason I live today. I learned that heritage does not lay claim to knowledge, for knowledge does not belong to any one person, any one race, or any one religion, and that all great things come at great cost.

In the glen where the Veil was thin, where it tickled my skin, you taught me the truth of the blood writing on my face. When you asked me if I wished the markings gone, you taught me that I have a choice, that I am whom I choose to be, that the Dalish, in their own way, had laid claim to and changed the meanings of the markings I chose to keep.

But when you pulled away, when your own heart was breaking, you taught me a lesson I could not understand. In pain, I fumbled to understand why you distanced yourself when it was clear that you yourself were in sorrow as well. When you left without a word, without a goodbye, without a final taste of your lips or even just the touch of your hand, I suffered, despite any news Leliana might have gathered of where you had gone. You disappeared. Without a trace.

But then you came back into my life again. When I learned you were near, when I thought you were in danger, the pain was stronger than ever, even stronger than the key of the waking dream tearing me apart from the inside, and yet I was happier, more hopeful, than I had been in the two years you were gone. I was alive when I was dying, I was brave when my enemies seemed unbeatable. Then I saw you again, clad in the armor of my ancestors. You tore down the illusions the false gods erected to hide the truth from the people and I saw how deep your pain truly was. You're actions to save the elven cost the lives of billions and what the elves used to be. Who were left you did not consider people, so cut off from the world that was home to you. Then I came along and showed you the value of the people this world had despite not being what they once were. Your newfound love for this new world would bring about the pain of destroying it to bring back the world of old. You risked the pain of leaving me again when you chose to save me from your last mistake.

In saving me, you once again gave me a future. In sharing your goals, you gave me a choice. In my choice, I finally understood the lesson you tried to teach me in that tiny dale where both of our hearts broke. I was in pain. That wouldn't change. But I had chosen to suffer. I chose to weep and cry because the man I loved disappeared instead of searching for him. To love him. To sooth his pain.

Now I know that you too have chosen to suffer in your pain. I love you too much to watch you suffer. I love you too much to see you empty yourself. I love you too much to watch you fall. You did not notice, but I had seen your greatest fear in the nightmare. Now I understand it. And yet you've chosen a lonely path. A path that could very well lead to your own death in your attempt to tear down the Veil you erected.

I choose to not suffer anymore. I choose to protect the future you yourself had a hand in guarding of every living being in this world. You twice gave me a future. It's time I returned the favor. I will show you the future your suffering has made you blind to. And should my attempts fail, I make my eternal vow to you, my love, you will not die alone.

Mala vhenan,

Lavellan


End file.
